MEET THE SPARTANS: Mankind Is Doomed If This Is The Number One Movie
 I really want to like this movie. I want to be able to say that it was so hilarious that I died on the spot because I could not catch my breath. I want to sing this movies praises and brag about the fact that it was the box office king last weekend for a reason and even though I have all the desire in the world to say that it’s awesome, I can’t because it sucks.
Meet the Spartans is a spoof of the film 300. I guess I can waste some time saying that the relation is sort of based in the main characters and the general outline of the story, but that’s about it. Gosh, I wish I had more to say about it, but I feel like screaming This film sucks a ton of times should do the trick. Leonidis (Sean Maguire) is the lofty Spartan king that continually screws things up. I don’t mean this in the fact that the king himself is a bad king, but that the writer’s decided a great running gag in the film would be to point out that Leonidis is a spectacular failure cause in the end, you know, he dies.
Oh, something else the film points out is that Queen Margo (Carmen Electra) is Leonidis’s whore wife. Something the film did not intend to point out is that Carmen Electra is looking beat. She’s finally starting to have that same haggard look that Pamela Anderson continually flashes around. Tragedy. Anyways, a decent rule of thumb that I like to follow is if Carmen Electra is in a movie it is going to suck beyond human comprehension. You should probably follow it as well.
The movie is an hour and change of stupid gags and lame jokes about pop culture that will cease to be relevant in the next 20 or so years. While gags about AMERICAN IDOL and Britney Spears are culturally relevant, I cannot see if the joke will last the test of time and continue to be mildly funny in a few years. I mean, all the Anna Nicole jokes done in movies similar to this one are now sort of depressing since she dropped dead. Really, the only amusing running gag in the entire film is the underlying homosexuality of the Greek soldiers that is brought up every ten minutes or so, because it’s probably the only joke significant to the film.
Xeres (Ken Davitian) is announced as the fat guy from Borat and I think I might have laughed harder at that than anything else in the film. Sadly, nothing could help the fact that
|
